Dear Coffee,

How I love you, old friend! We've been through everything together. Painful mornings, long nights, road trips, lazy afternoons, grand get-togethers with mutual friends...

Sadly, though, each time we are together lately, I find myself quite upset by you. :(  Regrettably, I feel that we must take a break from one another. 

 I think it's only fair to inform you that I've been spending more and more time with your sister, Decaf.  I enjoy her company much as I used to enjoy yours. She's a bit of a snooze, yes, but she doesn't leave me feeling jittery and exhausted.

I hope that someday soon we can reconnect without any hard feelings. 

Love always, 
Hailey

Big Boy Bed

Last night, Oliver slept in his own little bed the whole night through. Many thanks to my dear friends for your words of encouragement when David was helping him fall asleep! I hid outside for about 30 minutes, humming to myself to drown out his crying.  Turns out, I was overreacting a bit. ;) Olly only wimpered for a minute or two then fell fast asleep, so David tells me. When he got up this morning with his big brothers, he was in a happy mood.  Didn't run to me screaming as I expected he would, but was glad to see me. :)

I'm not sure how to feel about this. While it was nice having our bed to ourselves last night, it was quite lonely too. I snuggled Oliver's teddy bear instead of him. :(  It could be that this was just a fluke, as well.  He's been kinda clingy today; he may not be quite ready to sleep without me and his daddy.  And I'm ok with that.  But we'll see how it goes.  His brothers are spending the night at their grandma's house, and I anticipate that he'll be too lonely and scared to sleep in the kids' room by himself. We're going to try again though.  Well, David will try again, that is.  Olly won't just fall asleep for me like he does for David; he still needs to nurse to sleep if I'm around.  I don't fit in a toddler bed!

The Window

So there's this cute little window between my kitchen and dining room. It's adorable and I love it! BUT it's just the right size for a certain small boy to climb through.  At first, he'd climb up on a chair and watch me through it while I worked. That was perfect! He kept me company, but was out of the way. Now he's discovered how to climb up and through the little window right onto the counter.  He broke one of my favorite cups that was hanging in his way yesterday. :( And I don't know how to keep him on the other side of the wall anymore! :P I suppose I could just put my cups somewhere else, and I don't REALLY mind him on the counter, but he wants to "help" now too and can't keep his hands off of things! Anyone have any ideas?  *exasperated!*

He Sleeps

My little guy is sleeping.  I am awake.  This is a rare occurrence lately.  This kid will sleep through an alarm clock squawking next to his head (I think he may have gotten that from me) :-/ Then I try to get up... he is awake and very insulted.  I completely understand his need to be close to his mama; I'm quite fond of snuggling him too. I just wish he would allow me ten minutes to shower before he resumes - quite literally - being the monkey on my back.

Life with him isn't usually this intense; he's a very laid back little guy.  Considering the four teeth invading his mouth and my recent dairy indiscretions, though, I shouldn't be shocked that he's not feeling like himself.  Poor kid.  :( 

And now he sleeps.  And I breathe. Enjoy some tea. Knit. Eat lots of chocolate. Read an overdue library book. Listen to - and occasionally peek at- last month's Law & Order.  Ignore all of the stuff I really should be packing.  And ponder the amount of sleep I am missing.  Ah, multitasking!  I've always thought I wasn't good at it. ;)

And there's the cry...

ACK!

We are moving.  In one week.  (!!!!) I am at once sooo ready to move and completely unprepared.  We've had about three weeks to get going on this, and I'm still sorting through the things we don't want to take with us - never mind the stuff to keep. 

But I suppose if I do this correctly, I shouldn't have much to take with us.  This move will be nearly a transition into a new life... smaller house, smaller yard, smaller parking.  Thus, fewer dishes, fewer clothes, fewer toys.  No more storage! 

I can express neither how excited I am to do this, nor how surprised I have been to face all of the STUFF we have accumulated over the years.  Overwhelming fails to do it justice. 

After nearly two years, I'll be changing the name of this blog.  lol  Yippee! 

disclaimer: I mean no offense to those who enjoy the suburbs.  I just don't. ;)  Thanks for your understanding. 

Typical

Rhys came inside from playing with Charlie.  Charlie runs inside.  Charlie asks, in an acusatory tone, "Rhys! Why did you come inside!?"

Rhys replies, "I don't want you to punch me anymore." Charlie says something about needing to make sure that Rhys didn't lock him out. 

"Charlie, why are you always mean to me?"

I am now going to harass Mr. Gate Keeper at Autism Diagnostic Clinic in Meridian. Again.  :(

Why don't I go to bed?

It's 4am. I'm still awake! Not because I can't sleep, but because I can't seem to find the desire or energy to make my way to my bed. Where does this blasted inertia come from?

An infomercial is on in the background. Lost interest in the tv hours ago. Huh. That's a pretty cool mop... eew.

Stewing over the happenings of the evening. My Charlie has been an awful kid lately. Oh, who am I kidding? He's always been that way. :0/ Can't believe nothing has changed; nothing is easier. I just want to kick all of the people who told me that he would outgrow his terrible behavior. They said around 3, he would get easier. Then it was 4. Then 5. He's nearing 6 and he hasn't transformed into the boy I was promised. He's worse! Meaner and stronger are a bad combination. Enrolled him in karate in hopes that he would learn some respect and discipline. Nope. He's just gotten better at hitting and kicking me and his brothers. I've been wondering if they make straight jackets for children!

My dear husband's behavior has gotten worse too. What a great role model. :( Tonight I took Charlie's ninja sword from him; he was hitting everyone with it. David grabbed it from my hand to give it back to the boy! When I grabbed for it to take it back, I poked him in the nose. It was accidental but kinda hard. :0/ Before I could apologize or even look at his face, he knee'd me in the leg. And it hurt. :( I am amazed at how little control he has over himself in these situations. He reacts as if he's being attacked and I just don't understand why. What is it about getting poked in the face that triggers the fight-or-flight response in him?

Later on, I tried to explain to him that he *just can't do that*! Told him that there is a very fine line between freaking out on me -or our children - when he gets hurt and smacking us around just because he's angry. Stated that his actions were unacceptable. He stopped talking. Not sure that I want to stick around for the next escalation.

I'm not really into the Changing the Husband thing, but this has to stop. Don't know how to stop it. Sigh.

Well, I'm really going to go to bed now. Perhaps some sleeping will help me find enlightenment? I can hope :)